Nicholas Hoult for Jaguar
"When Bob finds out something about Alice, but doesn't learn it from Alice, then Bob is probably being creepy."
- Mr. Mitchell's Tips for Not Being Creepy, by Graham Mitchell
If you're a marketer, you may have the social skills of a high school nerd.
One day in 2006, a computer science teacher at Leander High School in Texas realized that he should try to teach his students social skills. Basically, male nerds sometimes unintentionally creep out female students, which is a problem if you're a teacher who wants to share your love for coding with students of all genders.
Graham Mitchell published his presentation "Mr. Mitchell's Tips for Not Being Creepy," [PPT] and it went slightly viral as grown-up nerds across the internet had a wry chuckle remembering their own awkward missteps.
I've recently realized that Mitchell also unintentionally wrote a guide that all marketers should be required to read before being allowed to communicate with normal people. The parallels are stunning:
Data Creep – "Even if Bob knows everything about Alice, it does not mean that Bob knows Alice. And it certainly doesn’t mean that Alice wants to know anything about Bob. Or that she is happy about Bob knowing all about her."
Targeted Promotions – "If Alice is favorably disposed towards Bob, then she will be flattered when he says nice things to her or does them for her. If Alice is not favorably disposed towards Bob, then she will probably be creeped out even if he says or does those same things."
Word of Mouth – "If Alice isn’t interested in Bob, then nothing Bob can tell her or do for her is going to change her mind (probably). Alice will only change her mind by watching Bob interact with others over a longish period of time."
Customer Experience – "Normal people form relationships by talking to each other. They learn things about one another through conversation."
This would be critical perspective to have if, say, you're a marketer for Target and considering doing something nice for Alice by preemptively mailing her pregnancy offers.
Why does this kind of thing keep happening? I have a theory. Being a marketer (or a product designer, communications planner, etc.) requires someone to think about human behavior analytically. Like all superpowers, though, that comes with its own special Kryptonite – occasionally forgetting to treat people like fellow human beings.
Luckily, there is a cure. When developing a strategy for influencing behavior, take a moment to remember that your users, readers, customers, prospects, or audience members might also be your friends and family members. Re-humanize yourself from time to time.
Don't put away the fancy tools. Use the black arts of tracking, data collection, and ad tech when they're the right tools for the job. Be a nerd. Just don't be creepy.